My hairstylist recently made me aware that I may be lying to myself…at least a little bit.

I haven’t dated in quite a few years. My life is very busy with 2 teenagers in marching band, a full-time job, trying to start a job, and dabbling in book promotion. I have been telling myself that I don’t have time to date. Plus, if I did, any time I spend with someone else would be time I could spend with my kids. How could I choose someone else over my children??

Then my hair gets too long and too gray and suddenly I am faced with John, who likes to tell it like it is. He challenged my reasons for not dating. In the midst of the conversation I realized that perhaps the reason I haven’t considered dating in all these years is because I’m a man-hater!! I realized that I’m just downright AFRAID of what type of man I might run in to.

Well, I decided, salon therapy has some value and should be taken seriously. The result is that now I’m looking at the men around me and considering them as potential dates. If I find myself noting only reasons I could never go out with them, then I chastise myself and think about some of their positive attributes. These thoughts are freaking me out!! How could I ever let a man get close to me??

Well, a week passed. I continued to try to train myself to be open to the possibility of dating. Then a couple people I know wanted me to meet this particular guy. I agreed and set up a time.

When I arrived, I had no expectations. Well…to be honest, my expectation was that it would be a brief, uncomfortable meeting, and then it would be over, and I could return to my life as usual.

I was surprised when I first saw him. He was attractive and polite. Younger than I expected. I felt extremely self-conscious, yet I endured. He was intelligent and took interest in me. It was a nice change for me to spend time with someone who wanted to know about me. He touched me in a kind manner, which was surprisingly enjoyable.

Perhaps men aren’t as bad as I made them out to be. Perhaps I WOULD enjoy a personal relationship with one of them.

I’m going to see this one again. Of course, he’s the back specialist I was referred to, so I’ve got another appointment in 3 weeks. Maybe I’ll shave my legs.