Trust

Tags

God, parenting, teen

Being a single parent, I have grown into the type of person who feels she has to do everything herself. After 13 years of being responsible for everything in my home, I just don’t automatically think, “Who can take care of this for me?” My knee-jerk reaction is, “How am I going to take care of this?”

So, when my son told me he doesn’t believe in God, I did my knee-jerk thing: How am I going to fix this? Then I piled onto that, “I screwed up! I’m sad! I’m betrayed! I’m scared!” But, I finally settled on, “This is not mine to fix.”

With the daily miracles God heaps on me, you would think my knee-jerk reaction would be to trust Him. The fact that I have food in my refrigerator, I am able to pay EVERY bill every month, I have 2 kind, respectful and healthy children, I have friends, an education, a job, a house, a family who cares about me, TWO working vehicles, and a healthy mind and body are miraculous to me. God provides and protects every day.

My faith and salvation don’t come from me or my parents or a pastor, friend, relative, or motivational speaker. It comes from God. He chose me.

Also, Jesus died for each of us. He wants to save us. I want my son saved. If I ask him to save my son, he will do it. My request is within his will. Our salvation is from above, not from around. Thank GOD!!!

I’m not even close to being a perfect parent. The statement from my son is more evidence of that. Thankfully God IS perfect. I just need to rely on him…I NEED to rely on him.

Although I act like I’m supposed to take care of everything myself, I can’t do it. This is just a reminder to me that everything I do is because God allows it. I need to stop acting like God and submit to him. Instead of saying, “How am I going to take care of this?” I need to start saying, “How do you want to use me, God?”

And one more thing, God….please allow my son to see you!!!!!

Single Parent Down

For you single parents out there, isn’t it hard being sick? It would be so awesome to lay in bed and have someone bring you juice and chicken noodle soup, wouldn’t it? But instead we have to make sure our kids have their needs met.

I’m not complaining about needing to take care of my kids. That’s the job I signed up for when I gave birth. I’m just saying it’s a tough day when I’d rather be laying in bed, but instead I go grocery shopping for lunches this week, and do laundry for school and work.

However, I need to stop complaining. I have a friend who is a single parent. She was diagnosed a few years ago with stage 3 breast cancer. She went through surgeries and treatments for at least a year straight. She had to stop working she was so sick. Yet, she never stopped being a mom…a terrific mom at that.

Hats off to single moms who press on through the good, the bad, and the ugly and continue to be the best parent they can be.

Priorities

I am pretty opinionated when it comes to parenting. TOO opinionated! I know this because I find myself shaking my head at things I see other people do. Maybe I’m really being judgmental. But, I tend to put myself in the kids’ shoes as opposed to the parents’.

I was sitting in the salon today while my son was getting his hair cut. The lady in the chair next to him was about my age, and from the sound of her story, she is the mom of a couple teen daughters. She was telling the hairdresser about her daughter who is in diving. The daughter asked her mom to videotape her diving practice so she could watch it later and critique herself.

Well, mom decided she didn’t want to sit through the practice, so she left to get her nails done. When she got back, practice was over and she wasn’t able to videotape.

Of course the daughter was upset or disappointed after the practice because she didn’t get the videotape. Mom was upset that daughter was upset because she had driven the daughter to school, then went to work, then took daughter to diving practice.

I’m curious to know your opinion on this.

My opinion is that, if mom didn’t want to stay, she should have told the daughter she couldn’t videotape that day. But secondly, WHY couldn’t she help the daughter out? She’s tired? She needs some “me-time?”

I may be an extremist, but I took the responsibility of having kids. My kids had no choice in the matter. So, until they have flown the coop, it is my responsibility to support them in every way. Of course I have to work and make sure we have food and electricity. But I do those things to fulfill the obligation I have to my kids. I owe it to them because I brought them into the world. If my son has an interest in music, I provide (within my means) the opportunity for him to play music. If he wants to play music, football, soccer, and be in the photography club, I put my foot down. Focus on one activity and do it well. I’ll support him in every way to ensure he has the opportunity to do that activity to the best of his ability. AND I support him emotionally by attending every performance and making sure he gets to rehearsals on time.

If I’m not cheering for him, who is? If this is something he loves and I act like I don’t love it, he is getting the message that I don’t love HIM.

If my son had a band practice and asked me to videotape it so he could watch the tape and improve himself, I’m not going to blow it off for a manicure. That is my opportunity to tell my teenager, in a language he can totally understand, “I love you! You’re important!”

What do you think?

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We Are Worth More Than We Know

I was sickened by a recent story in the Phoenix area. A 10-year-old girl was punished for sneaking a popsicle from the freezer. She was made to run around the back yard for 2 hours. It was 107 degrees! Then she was locked in a small footlocker by her father and step mother who promptly went to bed. The little girl died alone, in the dark, locked in that box.

Information trickled out about the treatment she had received while alive. She was chronically hungry and the target of abuse at home. Her mother abandoned her when she couldn’t stand how the other adults were treating her (the mother!) So, she left this child and her 2 other children with these people and left.

In my profession, I see family dysfunction every day. But it’s in varying degrees. The footlocker would be a 10 on the dysfunction scale. I know I fall somewhere on the scale (because no family is perfect,) but I’d better be close to a 1.

MOST of the kids I see are struggling in life because of the relationship between them and their parents. Again, we have some extremes of abuse. But I also see kids who are suffering because dad doesn’t seem to listen. Or mom is always spending time with friends and is never home. Or dad works all the time and never goes to his kids’ games or performances. Sometimes the mom THINKS she is doing everything she needs to do to protect the kids and love them, but she is smothering the heck of out of them, not letting her teenager out of her sight. She’s even suggested that when the teen graduates and wants to go to college, mom will divorce dad and move with her.

I know we are all dysfunctional in some way, but the most important thing to me at this stage in my life is being the type of parent who recognizes what my kids need from me as opposed to doing what makes ME feel fulfilled. What they need changes as the life “seasons” change. When they were young, they needed much more hands-on stuff from me: combing hair, bathing, tying shoes, wiping faces…and, at that point, I wanted more time to myself. Now that they’re teens, they need me to stand on the sidelines and cheer, and, strangely, what I want is to spend more time with them. Of course we get in the huddle at home regularly. I still hug and kiss them and tell them I love them. I still make dinner and expect everyone to sit down together (even if it’s frozen pizza.) I still listen to them talk about the things that are important to them.

But, when we leave home, I have to let them go out on the field without me. Sometimes they get knocked down. But the lesson is in getting up and running the play again…better this time.

It’s painful to watch, but it’s rewarding to be the person they say hi to when the camera is on them.

I know I’ve got to let them go to hold on to them. It’s really hard! But if I love THEM more than I love ME, I’ll do it.

First Day of School

Today, Joey is starting 8th grade, and Jess is starting 10th grade. Middle school and high school. I have been dreading this day. I know many moms dread the first day of school because they’re little darlings are growing up. But I dread the schedule.

Jess is in marching band. If you think the football team is tough, you should check out the marching band! Jess has morning practices before school. He wakes up at 4:00am and I drop him off at school no later than 5:30am. On Monday nights he has a late practice: 6-9pm. They perform on Friday nights at the football games, and Saturdays are often competitions.

I LOVE marching band, but I hate early, early mornings!

Then there is Joey. His school changed their start and end times. His school starts at 9am and gets out at 4pm. We don’t live on the bus route, so I have to drop him off…3 hours later than I drop Jess off. By the time I get to work, I’ve been up for 5 hours and I still have a 10-hour work day! THUS…I dread the school year!

However…we have a new twist in our routine this year. Jess turned 16 over the summer. He is eligible for his driver’s license. He’ll take the driving test this Friday. When he passes the test, he will become Joey’s chauffeur, picking him up from school every day. That will make life a little easier for me in the afternoon, but mornings will be tough.

We only have one vehicle. So, I will have to take Jess to school while the rooster still sleeps. Many hours later, I’ll take Joey to school, drop our one-and-only vehicle off at Jess’s school, then take my bike and some public transportation to work.

Did I mention, I’ve been dreading this day? Some moms dread the first day of Kindergarten. I dread the first day of every school year. Not so much because my kids are growing up, (they remind me of it every day!) but because I don’t get to do my favorite thing…SLEEP!! 🙂

Oh…one more thing…Jess came home from a week at band camp and was noticeably taller! THEN I happened upon a picture of Jess and Joey together a year ago and Joey was seriously 6-8″ shorter than he is today. So…this, my friends, this is one of the ways they remind me every day that they are growing up and not needing a mom as much. Life is a wild ride! (and I love it!) Although they don’t need me as much, I can take pride in the totally awesome young men I have helped to mold. 🙂

Joey is WAITING for me to finish this blog and take him to school!!